I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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