booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
