Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize