i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
