i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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