i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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