you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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