I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
