She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize