So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
