i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
