That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
