Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think my moral compass just broke
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