Soap is not a condiment
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
