wakey wakey hands off snakey
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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