Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
