You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
