Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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