I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
