I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
