o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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