My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have demons in me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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