have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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