I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
