Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
