Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
