She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
