I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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