trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
