i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
