i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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