You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
