haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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