Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
