there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she told me i tasted like america
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
