i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
