They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
