No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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