My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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