I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
