I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
