after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
