You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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