That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
