When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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