I cannot find my penis.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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