How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
