1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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