So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
