Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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