FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she told me i tasted like america
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
