you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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