Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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