my sisters under your porch take her home
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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